Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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