i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
