i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
