Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
