I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
