Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
