i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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