I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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