So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
