Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
