WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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