Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
