there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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