Duck Duck Cougar?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
