A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
