this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
