We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
