Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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