Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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