dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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