You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
