At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
