I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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