I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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