ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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