VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize