You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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