She is in my trunk
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
