i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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