i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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