Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
