Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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