do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
