I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
