The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
