Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize