I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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