she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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