I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
