Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
