Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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