He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
