How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
