I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
