dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
