So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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