Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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