We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
