I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize