we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
