I love having hate sex.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
