nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I pour the whiskey from now on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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