God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
