"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
My penis needs a shock collar
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
