I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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