when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
