man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
