Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
