My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
