What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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