he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize