It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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