so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize