y did u give ur computer a hand job?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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