ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
