You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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