Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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