in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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