saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
