so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
