dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
