He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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