Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
