Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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