Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just gargled with NyQuil
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
