I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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