I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
