proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
