By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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