how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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