I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
