The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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